Stop Being Scared to Suck at Something
Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect at everything we try?
“Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something.” - Kurt Vonnegut
This quote has followed me since I first read it when I was 15 years old. As the years have passed, the criticism I place on the ways I express myself creatively has only increased. Why would I draw, when a friend on Instagram posts pictures of their detailed, hyper-realist portraits and the best I can do is draw a very wonky, lopsided flower? Who am I to sing, when I’m beyond tone deaf? And most recently, who am I to write, when there are better writers, with more unique ideas, and stronger vocabularies? Who am I to think I’m worth of putting this very post out on the internet?
It’s very clear to me that this isn’t just a personal issue — it comes up constantly in conversations with friends and relatives. We put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect at something right out the gate, without acknowledging that it takes time and practice to get good at something. In the era of social media, there’s very little to no posting about the process — the crappy drafts, the messed up painting, the song that sounds OK but not great. Even though we know that it takes time and often hard work to be good at something, our brains trick us into thinking that other people’s final product is their first attempt, and we convince ourselves that we’ll never be good enough, so why even try.
In conjunction with this, even if we create something that we really like and we’re really proud of, we’re hesitant to show it to others. We tell ourselves, “it’s not really that good,” or “I just need more time,” or “it’s okay, but it’s not as good as so-and-so’s.” Even if we know none of our friends or family are mean enough to actually say “that sucks” to our face, we’re obsessing over what people will think, if people will talk about it, if they’ll feel secondhand embarrassment for you for sharing that.
While there’s no obligation to share anything you create with the world, or anyone for that matter (and sometimes it’s nicer to keep it for yourself), I think we’re all collectively denying our ability to enjoy things and create art because of how any part of the process might be perceived. Especially when we’re bombarded by the successes and talents of others. In this time of monetizing every hobby, interest, or talent we have, we’ve made it so that we’ve either turned our passions into our jobs (and therefore they become more of an obligation) or we’ve denied ourselves the space to do and learn things just for fun, sometimes without being any good at it.
This is something that I struggle with in so many aspects of my life. There are so many possible hobbies or activities that I’ve passed up on because I knew I wasn’t going to be good at them. I told myself I just don’t have artistic talent, or athletic talent, or whatever. If I did try something new, I would spend the whole time thinking about how bad I was at it, creating a new insecurity to pick at in my spare moments, and I would have a miserable experience. We really have to take the pressure off of ourselves and stop demanding perfection at everything we do.
I have a friend who takes guitar lessons. Not to perform, not to be in a famous band, not to achieve perfection. Just to continue to learn and improve their skill and be able to learn more complicated songs. When they first shared this with me, I was shocked, and I’ve kept it in my mind ever since. Taking lessons for something with no end goal seemed insane to me — much less paying for it? Improving at something and not trying to make money from it? Doing something purely for enjoyment!?
I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Now, however, I understand it. It’s an investment of both time and money into your happiness and mental health. It provides something challenging and interesting and exciting when your job and life gets too mundane and repetitive. It’s something that you do just for you, and you’ve allowed yourself to not care whether anyone thinks you’re any good or not. You’ve practiced art, no matter how well or badly, and you’ve made your soul grow.
As difficult as this still is for me, I’m trying to embrace it more everyday. I love singing. Like, I really love it. Whenever I’m singing, usually in my car with the volume almost maxed out, I feel like a performer on stage, like I wrote the words myself, and it allows me to let out any and all of my emotions. I suck at singing. I’m not good, and I have no desire to be good. I have no interest in singing lessons or being a famous singer someday. I just enjoy it, and I do it because I enjoy it. Full stop.
I’m trying to use my mentality around my love of singing to other hobbies and interests that I have, including this blog. Sometimes, I think a post sucks. I think it doesn’t make any sense, or the writing isn’t as intellectual or captivating as it could be. But I post it anyways, and I share it with friends and family, because it makes me happy and I feel like it connects me to others. I was embarrassed of sharing any writing for so long, until eventually I decided that the anxiety over whether or not people would think this is stupid wasn’t worth wondering my whole life if I would have been any good at it, or if people would enjoy it.
Ultimately, just do whatever the hell you want. I promise you, no one really cares what you’re doing that much. And if you feel scared or insecure to try something new or share something you’ve created, remember that everyone is probably feeling that way, too, and you’ll never know if you don’t try.
This is so true! Fear of sucking actually kept me from writing for a long time. Overtime, I've come to realize that sucking in the beginning makes it all the better when you develop your skills. Great read!